n2Final Draft, Inc. Final Draftr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ship - EVENING (Ian, Jorge, Paula, Xerc) The band is eating chinese-style food. Ian is reading a rolling Stone-style magazine, the others are going through mail. XERCEPLEX GETS UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. Ian Look at this. jorge Whats up? IAN Theres a whole page devoted to Johnny Alpha. jorge The guy from the Clones? PAULA (mouth full) A uf e a wan wuf en. IAN Yeah! I mean...why dont they just let him fade away in peace? JORGE Hey, Send In The Clones is a great album. PAUla (mouth full) A uf e a wan wuf en! IAN ...I mean the band had ONE successful album, and six years later, they still waste space in MAJOR magazines on this... GUY... in the studio, toiling away at the indefinitely forthcoming follow-up, when they COULD be writing articles about up-and-coming acts. JORGE Like us? IAN ...like US! Were so much more talented than that overrated goon. 0002000004E6000003744E0,PAULA (mouth full) A uf e a wan wuf en!! JORGE That magazines just a hype-rag anyway. Even the articles are just ads. IAN Yeah, I mean who falls for this crap? Are teenagers really that dumb? (Gesticulates with magazine) THIS dumb??? JORGE Still...Send In The Clones is a great album. IAN (sighs) Yeah. Maybe Im just jealous. PAULA (pauses, finger raised, chews and swallows) Ahem!... I was in a band with him. IAN WHAAAAAAAAT?!? Youre pooging with us! PAULA No, really. Before he was a Big Star, Johnny Alpha was John Alphonzo, singer/songwriter for Plywood Squadron, of which I was also a member. We were pretty successful in the whole Ortooma scene for a while. IAN You? And Johnny Alpha?!?! Why didnt you ever tell us this before? PAULA Well....the whole thing ended on a bad note. I mean he was always egotistical and self-involved, but as soon as we started getting some major-label interest, some big-shot producer convinced Johnny that HE was the big star of the band. Next thing you know, hes not returning our calls, then we find out from MunuPob, of all places, that he had cloned himself a band, and was working on a solo album. I guess he realized that the only person whom could he could tolerate to work with was himself. 00020000052900000854523,Pause IAN So you havent talked to him since? PAULA Nope. IAN So, like...youre an ex-member of what eventually became The Clones. Its like youre in The Clones. You should be able to get some media attention with that. PaulA Well, I dont JOrGE At least use that as an in. Get your proverbial foot in the metaphorical door. XERCEPLEX re-enters PAULA I dont think that.. IAN Hey, Xerc...did you know Paula used to be in The Clones? XERC I thought the Clones were all Clones? JORGE (correcting) She was in a band that became the Clones. xerc You were cloned? IAn No, look: She used to be in a band with Johnny Alpha, a few years ago, before he got huge... (to Paula) You should call InterEnter and see if theyll sign us! Paula What?! Youre delusional. IAN Well, it COULD turn out to be our big break. Paula rolls her eyes xerC DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! jorge Its worth a shot. PAULA (picking up phone and dialing) OK, FINE! Just so you guys can see that getting the attention of a major label isnt that easy. It takes years of making a name for yourself, just to get to talk to one of their A&R guys and even then... Cut to: InT. inTERENTER OFFICES PaULA Hi, my name is Paula. I have an appointment to see Mr. LaBelle. SecRETARY (Points to band) Who are they? PAULA They? Oh. This is my band. SECRETARY 00020000051100000D7750B,Go on in. Mr. LaBelle will be in in a minute. INSERT SOME WITTY WAITING-FOR-LABELLE DIALOGUE HERE Labelle enters with his lawyer/assistant/henchman, varone LABELLE Varone, there are people in my office! PAULA Hi, Mr. LaBelle, my names Paula. I talked to your secretary... VarONE The Johnny Alpha thing, sir. LABELLE (siting) You were in a band with our Johnny? PAULA Yes. Sir. But he was John Alphonso at the time. LABELLE Hrm. Whatever. Varone? Fill them in. VARONE STARTS A SLIDE SHOW, OVER WHICH THE FOLLOWING DIALOGUE TAKES PLACE. In each slide, Alpha is in the exact same position as the last, but he looks a little wearier and scruffier. It starts with johnny looking like a pampered rock star, and ends with him looking like charles manson. VaroNE Just about four years ago, Johnny Alpha went into the studio to record the follow up to Send In The Clones. After several weeks without any progress, he asked to be moved to a different studio facility, one a little more rural. Two months went by. Not a word. Nothing recorded. When pressed, he produced some demo recordings, but admitted to feeling surrounded, and asked to be moved again. This pattern continued until he settled into his current location, the ancient Toopan monastery on Serm VI, just outside of the galactic rim. 00020000035700001282351,Gasps (serm VI is far) VARONE (CONTD) Days after his arrival, we lost contact. This is the last recording we received from the monastery: SLIDE ON SCREEN IS CLOSE-UP OF ALPHA Varone clicks a button, a low-grade recording can be heard Alpha (singing in a warbly tone) My dog has..... A din erupts, a mess of several instruments and sounds. It continues for several minutes. Varone fast forwards, it continues, he fast forwards again. He Stops the tape, AND TURNS ON THE LIGHTS. VARONE It came wrapped in this: He holds up a piece of newspaper that has fleas by the clones written on it in crayon, with a childlike drawing of a flea, and a sun with a happy-face in the sky. xerC Woah. VARONE Indeed. LaBELLE Sounds like Johnnys lost a sock, if you know what Im saying. VARONE We want you to go there. Find Johnny, and...take care of him. XErC 0002000002E5000015D32DF,You want us to KILL him? JORGE Woah, man...I dont know, thats... LABELLE What? NO! Weve laid out a lot of advance money for this album to turn out right, and we still need it to happen. XERC So we kill him and then record the album. Easy as frotz. LABELLE No! Listen, you idiots... Do you know how much we have riding on this goofball? Why do you think we didnt just call the police and have him hauled in for loitering on our dime? We need Alpha to do what hes under contract to do. VARONE Mister LaBelle is hoping that YOU can get to Johnny, and convince him to get back to work. Get his creative juices flowing. He wont listen to us. (looks at Paula)) But he knows YOU. Hell trust YOU. paul Listen, Mr. LaBelle, I dont.. 00020000065E000018B2658,VarONE Well pay you ten thousand Heem. PaULA Band meeting! The band huddles together PAULA (CONTD) OK, ten thousand heem is small potatoes to these guys, but we could really use it. Any thoughts? JorGE We could use it to put out our album. Ian Wait, why not cut out a step? XerC How do you mean? Ian Like you said, ten thousand heem is small potatoes to them, lets hit em where it hurts. Xerc breaks the huddle, begins to approach labelle, smacking his fist into his palm. Ian (CONTD) (pulling Xerc back in to huddle) Xerc! NO! I mean we get something from them thats more valuable. JorgE That gold doorstop is kinda nice... Paula No, I think I know where Ian is going with this. Cut to: ExT. sPACESHIP Ship goes speeding towards a planet, identified by text at the bottom of the screen as serm VI. Cut to: MUSICAL MONTAGE! Start with the ship zooming away, show a galactic map, a la raiders, show them landing. cut to boat, The gang is now decked out in life vests xerc is leaned over the side, as if hes seasick, but then he comes up with a strange alien fish in his mouth. IAN is talking to the boat skipper, worriedly pointing at a map, the skipper is lauging harder and harder. Finally, he drops them off, they wander through the jungle for a bit, and are confronted by clones and natives as the music ends. Cut to: INT. STUDIO (Alpha, Studio Native, Paula) Johnny alpha looks like one of his clones, but bloated and with a scraggly beard. He is wearing headphones and repeatedly hitting a big marching band drum with a trombone, as a droning mess of music plays in the background. After several hits, he stops. 00020000034C00001F0A346,We see two natives in the recording booth. ALPHA OK! Cut it. That was a good one. Studio native Ommblaka! Cha-Koom. Alpha Oh, good. Send her in. Alpha sits on a chair, sips a drink. studio natives, one holding each arm, bring paula into the studio. Paula Johnny, what the hells going on here? ALPHA Nice to see you too, Paula. PAULA What is all this? Who are THEY? Where are Ian, Xerc and Jorge? ALPHA Oh, dont worry, your friends are being....taken care of. Cut to: EXT. poolside (Ian, Xerc) Xerc, ian and jorge are decked out in tropical shirts, sunglasses, big straw hats, coconut drinks, zinc on the nose, the whole bit. Xerc is sleeping, jorge is using a sun reflector to get a tan, and ian is looking over an hors doeuvre tray presented to him by a bikini-clad waitress IAN Whats in that one, shrimp? Cause I cant eat shrimp. 0002000003B0000022503AA,He takes one of the other ones, eats it, the waitress leaves. Xerceplex sips loudly from his drink until its done, and makes a loud sucking noise as he tries to get the remaining liquid from the bottom. He stops, and looks up. Xerc Can I get another one of these? Cut back to: INT. sTUDIO (Paula, Alpha) PAULA I mean really, Johnny, no wonder Mr. LaBelle was... AlpHA LaBelle? I see. InterEnters behind this. You're errand boys, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill. Is that it? PAULA No, Johnny. We came to help you! ALPHA HELP me? Look around you. I have everything I want, Im waited on hand and foot. Does it look like I need help? Alpha tries to get up, slumps back into chair ALPHA (CONTD) Little help! With help from two natives, Alpha rises and walks towards the recording booth ALPHA (CONTD) (with his back to Paula as he walks away) You and your friends can stay the night, but tomorrow youre going back without me. 000200000317000025FA311,PaULA Johnny, wait! ALPHA Gamaka....Zaloom! Natives take paula away Cut to: INT. guestroom (Paula, Jorge, Xerc, Ian) The gang sits on their bunks PAULA ...and he wont listen! JorgE Hmm. Why did we think this would be easy? XERC Whatre we gonna do? IAN If we go back empty-handed, not only do we lose out on the money, but we effectively burn our bridges with LaBelle. PaULA Well, Johnny seems to have figured out that InterEnter cant really do anything about it. jorgE So what are our options? XerC Like I said... kill him and record the album ourselves. Makes total sense. Ian Hmm...actually.... Ian grins mischievously ext. Front of monastery (Alpha, Ian) ALPHA Well, I hope you enjoyed your stay. Im sorry youre returning empty-handed, but I cant give all this up. Would you? 0002000004150000290B40F,IAN Umm...Johnny, can I talk to you for a second? ALPHA Sure, Egon Ian Ian. Look... (takes Alpha aside, lowers voice) I hate to be the one to tell you this, but... we were InterEnters last lifeline to you. If we go back without you, theyre going to fire up the clone tanks, and pay us to record the album with a new batch of clones. ALPHA WHAT?! THey wouldnt...THey cant! IAN That guy Varone was telling us that they own the concept of The Clones, so they can and they will. IF we go back without you. Plus, they cut off your funding. ALPHA But...but...what if you bring back an album? Ian Do you HAVE an album? AlPHA No, I havent even touched a guitar in over a year. IAN Then that could be a problem. ALPHA Wait! Unless you guys help me out. Ian Explain. ALPHA Itd be like training for a fight. You guys stay, and play music, Ill watch you, do what you do. Until I get back in the swing of things. Then once the musical juices are flowing again, you can go back to LaBelle and tell him the albums in the works. Hows that sound? 0002000003E100002D1A3DB,IAN Well, Ill have to check with the band. Ian walks over to the band, gives them the thumbs-up, the ok, and then the hook-in-mouth gesture. Cut to: InT. monastery A makeshift stage is set up in the main hall. A series of quick cuts follows, in which the band does some typical rock-and-roll performance things, and johnny and the clones try to follow suit, but fail. Gradually johnny gets slimmer, and the clones have more success, until the last cut is between the band playing one of their songs, and the clones flawlessly finishing the same song. Cut to: EXT. spaCESHIP As it speeds away from serm VI Cut to: INT. spACESHIP (Jorge, Paula, Ian, Xerc, Labelle) Xerc is wearing a toopan monastery is for lovers shirt Jorge Well, that worked out OK. PaulA Yeah, Im glad Johnnys back in the swing of things. Ian But, more importantly, InterEnter is going to put out our album! XERC That SO rocks! IAN What do you think we should... The phone rings, labelles face fills the screen 000200000264000030F525E,PaULA Mr. Labelle, we were just talking about you! Did you talk to Johnny? Labelle Thats why Im calling. He says he never heard from you. Everybody yells in surprise Ian But we spent weeks there! JoRGE Training! paula Getting him back in shape! Xerc Drinking those REALLY tasty pineapple things! LaBELLE Well, while you guys were out yeepsing around, Alpha, it seems, has come to his senses amd started producing. So theres no need for you guys to actually go find him. Consider any agreements between us null and void. PaULA Mr. Labelle, theres got to be.. (screen cuts out, mr. Labelle has hung up) 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